The Seventh Duel of The Second Round of The Retell Writing Contest

Hello Retellers,

Welcome to the seventh duel of the second round. All results will be announced after the eight duel of the second round.

1. To vote, simply comment : I vote story 1 or I vote story 2.
2. Do not attempt to predict who wrote which story.
3. Do not solicit for votes for any story. You can share the link and ask people to vote but do not tell them which story to vote for.
4. Do not vote more than once.
5. Voting starts by 8am and ends by 8pm (GMT +1).

Today Evan Promise and Priye Bokumo attempt to bring the thunder. And the theme is courage(they are to pick a story about a display of courage in the bible and retell it). Word count is 500 words.

Let us ride:

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Story 1

I sat still where I was on the bed observing my grandson. He had been moody ever since he got home for the weekend. I watched him move up and down his room lost in deep thought. Heber, who was named after his grandad and my husband, had started carrying the burdens of everyone he came across ever since he turned 18. He was so good at it that he was made the head boy of his school – a feat he so cherished and adored, albeit one that brought him more sleepless nights.

Presently, his phone fell from his hands, and he sighed while picking it up. I knew I had to intervene.

“Heber” I called him.

He didn’t hear me. Whatever this is, was really weighing him down.

I picked up the blouse I removed when I came back from work two hours ago and threw it at him. He looked straight up at me and smiled…trying to hide the anxiety and worry that was written all over him minutes ago.

I signalled for him to come.

“What’s wrong with you, my child?” I began, when he got to my bedside.

Heber smiled…he knew better than to argue.

“Granny… I’m in a bit of a situation and I need to do something about it, but I’m so scared”

“What kinda situation?”

“Life and death.” He answered.

When I noticed he wasn’t planning on telling me anything, I took a deep breath and thought of a faster way to help him.

“You know, there was when I was in a similar situation like you. I was faced with the greatest decision of my life then…” I began.

Heber was already poised for the gist. I chuckled a bit and continued

“I just got married to your grandfather then, your mother hadn’t joined us yet.

There was this big war going on between our village and the next village that colonized us. Your grandfather was a man of influence then and so our house was a neutral zone.

When General Sisera, Grand Commander of the enemy forces ran to our house to take refuge, I knew I had to kill him, in order to end our people’s suffering. Your grandfather wasn’t around and it was against the laws of the land, but it was the right thing to do so I had to summon courage and do it.”

“Hmm…you were able to kill a general without any help?” Heber asked with a puzzled look.

I laughed at the thought.

“No…I tricked him into sleeping. I gave him milk instead of water,and put Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing for him. Then I drove a nail into his forehead with a hammer after he fell asleep.”

Heber drew back a little bit, shock and surprise written all over his face. I’m fairly certain he didn’t believe I could be that brutal.

“The moral of the story my dear Heber is that you have to summon up courage and stand up for or do whatever you believe is right, no matter the cost. You just might be the hero you’re looking for.” I added almost immediately…patting him on the back.
His face suddenly lit up like he just got an idea. He hugged me tightly and muttered an almost inaudible thanks before running off to his room.

I smiled with satisfaction knowing that Jael’s daring blood – my blood runs in him and that it will fuel him to greatness.

Story 2

Many moons ago on the rocky mountains of Oreb, Biafrans prepared for war. “Fight my kinsmen, fight for what’s yours, fight for your lands, more than anything fight for your freedom! Be not afraid, our Chi has assured us victory. Tonight victory is ours!” Chants of “nzogbu nzogbu enyimba enyim” broke out in the camp of the Biafrans after the moral boosting speech from their commander, Gen. Gideon. Standing a foot away Gideon smiled and watched his comrades gyrating, his smile spread like red tint on ripening tomatoes. He joined them in chanting victory songs till daylight gave way to the encroaching night.

Pitch black darkness hung over the night, the Biafrans were having their final preparations on the mount, adorning their shields and customing their bodies with animal hides. Axes, spears and swords were given final massages. “How can we defeat over a hundred thousand soldiers with 2000men?” A nervous soldier asked. “Our Chi has assured us victory, let’s not fret”, Nnamdi the second in command to Gen. Gideon spoke. This didn’t cast away doubts from the minds of the army, so an argument erupted which led to 1700 men turning in their arms and leaving 300 men behind to face the Persians.

300 men facing an Army of 135,000? Clearly this is suicidal. War bookmaker, Warbet gave the Biafrans a not so surprising winning odd of 65.00, while the Persians had a measly winning odd of 1.08. Punters all over the world placed their bets on the Persians save for a man, courageous I must say, who put a thousand cows on the Biafrans winning. Word spread out to the hearing of the Persians that the Biafrans are coming to war with 300men, that gave them assurance of victory. Infact they invited Pasuma and Small Doctor to entertain them in songs. That night they partied, drank, ate to fullness and then retired to their tents, everyman was given a woman to warm their sheets. An offer provided by Buhari their King who was at that time in the UK on a medical leave.

Immediately the camp lights were put out the 300 who were lying low in a rocky mountain nearby marched into the camp from all sides, killing them Persians in their sleep and carting away spoils. Solomon won himself 75,000 cows making him the wealthiest man as at hen also earned himself as the wisest man on earth. Upon hearing the victory news as the Voice of Biafran declared the results a great uproar erupted in the land. The 300 quickly joined folklore. In Greek and Persian mythologies they’re referred to as Spartans. Today around the periphery of the Delta area in Nigeria their descendants fight for a cessation, declaring their area a republic. A rogue nation!

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Let the voting begin.

7 thoughts on “The Seventh Duel of The Second Round of The Retell Writing Contest

  1. I vote Story 2. story 1 is beautiful too but I vote story 2.

    ‘In Greek and Persian mythologies they’re referred to as Spartans.’

    the writer haf smoke something???

  2. @story 1– I don’t think its good enough to use narrative devices like flashback in a retelling competition. But your stoty is good, well written, no doubt.

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