The Sixth Duel of The Second Round of The Retell Writing Contest

Hello Retellers,

I am sorry the sixth duel is coming a day later than it should. I have had a crazy period.

Welcome to the sixth duel of the second round. All results will be announced after the eight duel of the second round.

1. To vote, simply comment : I vote story 1 or I vote story 2.
2. Do not attempt to predict who wrote which story.
3. Do not solicit for votes for any story. You can share the link and ask people to vote but do not tell them which story to vote for.
4. Do not vote more than once.
5. Voting starts by 8am and ends by 8pm (GMT +1).

Today Deji Priscilla and Nkami Emori attempt to bring the thunder. And the theme is Broken Women(they are to pick a story about a broken woman and her journey to healing and retell it). Word count is 500 words.

Let us ride:

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Story 1

I hear mumbled words as I pass bye. I feel fingers pointing in my direction like they would choke me to death if they can. I was that woman mothers would warn their daughters not to associate with. I was that lady whom the Pharisees tagged an outcast, a prostitute.

When pastor Adeboye would come to our street to tell youths that we can succeed, I would look at myself and all I could see was a broken, depressed lady with no future.

I felt dead inside. Sex was the only thing that made me feel alive and in control. But soon, I was tired of feeling a man between my legs. The little self confidence I had in me disappear gradually. I was tired of people screaming “ashawo” whenever I walked on the street. I was tired of “konji” driven men asking me “how much for one night nau?” Life became a routine to me.

“I pray this Jesus is worth it oh” I said as I got down from the taxi I boarded to Bishop Simon’s house. The news that Jesus will be visiting Bishop Simons house was all over NTA. Out of curiosity I came to see the famous Jesus. ” Ah Madam, you can’t enter here ,this meeting is for Bishops and Pharisees only” One skinny looking boy in oversized shirt stopped me as I approached Bishop Simon’s house. ” Abi something is worrying you ni, after spending almost 3000naira to come here, you are now telling me stories that touch” I shouted as I forced my way into the house.

Bishop Simon’s house was filled to the brim with all this S.U people. I found an available chair and sat down as I listened to Jesus teach. His words penetrated my heart, soothing me as I listened. For the first time in my life, I felt love so overwhelming. I felt Jesus understood me. I took the alabaster box in my bag and made my way to the front of Jesus.

I could hear people mumbling but at that point “abeg who they help”?  I cried like a baby at Jesus feet. I desperately wanted the broken pieces of my life to be fixed. I took the alabaster box and poured the oil in it on his feet as wiped his feet  with my hair. I could hear people mumbling but I didn’t care. I was determined to let go of my emptiness and depression.

“Thy sins are forgiven ,go in peace your faith hath saved thee”  those words started to fix the broken pieces of my heart . I felt alive as he said those words. I knew I was free from all the emptiness and depression I had been feeling. I felt  peace as strong as death in my heart . My broken hearts and emotions were all mended.

I am the woman with the alabaster box and this is my story.

STORY 2

It was love at first sight for them both.  Elkanah Loved Hannah the first day he met her and so did she.

They had been friends for eight years and decided to get married.  Hannah was the slay Queen that slayed in everything, you wouldn’t find fault in her.

Three years later, it was clear Hannah didn’t slay in child bearing.  Jehoham had told Elkanah to get a new wife or even a concubine,  Jehoham wasn’t ready to give his estate to a son who wouldn’t bear more sons.

Elkanah loved Hannah, he couldn’t do it.

Harvest came and the celebration after it.  Men drank till they got wasted.  Jehoham had planned with Peninnah,  she would seduce him in his state and take in for him, the plan was perfect.

Elkanah woke up to find a naked female at his side.  It couldn’t be Hannah,  she didn’t like the smell of alcohol, she wouldn’t be found among them, he turned on the light to find a fair lady, she was beautiful but nothing compared to Hannah. Before he could say anything Peninnah woke up and smiled at him.  He couldn’t place her face, she got dressed and ran out.

Elkanah told Hannah what happened,  he didn’t know what to expect but he did. Rather than cry or fight him she simply hugged him.  Three months later Jehoham came home with Peninnah. She was pregnant and couldn’t stay in her father’s house anymore

The years after that were horror for Hannah.  Peninnah had four children in four years. She did it like a baby machine. Whenever Elkanah was drunk she would come on him, because he would not even look at her.

Peninnah also mocked Hannah at any opportunity. She called her home wrecker,  joy killer,  witch,  made sure her children disrespected her.

Hannah has become a shadow of herself,  she was malnourished.  It got Elkanah worried.

Hannah went to Shiloh with a different desire that year.  She wasn’t going to worship,  she was going to question God.  She couldn’t worship the One who had the power to change things and remain so devastated,he would either change hers or kill her.

She went to the chapel hiding, immediately she got in,  she was lost in prayers,  crying profusely while mumbling words without sounds.

Reverend Eli asked her to leave. “You don’t come into the chapel drunk”.

She explained she wasn’t,  she was just one in pain crying to God.

He prayed with her and let her leave. What a peace she felt within.

In Raman, things returned to normal not until Hannah started having different symptoms of pregnancy, it was sudden.  He answered her immediately, her labour didn’t prove difficult  and her son was the finest any had seen.

With little Samuel in her arms for the first time,  every pained vanished.

A soothing balm to her wounds

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Let the voting begin.

29 thoughts on “The Sixth Duel of The Second Round of The Retell Writing Contest

  1. Both stories are beautiful, imaginative and creative.

    Story 1: writer failed to insert a comma in the line ‘… I was that kind…’
    The issue of inconsistency in tenses too.

    Story 2: Well written, wins my vote.

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