Sadly many people think domestic violence is that time when a man hits a woman or vice versa. They think it’s that punch in hidden places so they are not found out with black eyes or cracked lips. Myopically anything outside of physical violence is ignored or waved away with a brusque sweep of the hands.
What of that spouse or partner that reserves a vile repertoire of words for you? Irresponsible. Useless. Shameless. Fat. Ugly. Selfish. Prostitute. What of the one that reminds you at every turn how worthless you are and how you are nothing without him? How about being told constantly that you are ugly so much so you start to believe it? Sticks and stones may break my bones…how untrue. Words will break many bones that will never heal.
What of those that refuse your meals when you disagree? He will simply boycott your kitchen and either have the househelp prepare his meals or eat out till he’s ready to ‘forgive’ you and resume eating. He not only refuses your meal he also refuses your body. Days. Weeks. Months. No sexual contact, no words exchanged. You find yourselves living as mere strangers in a confined space that chokes life out of you.
He refuses to give you housekeeping or upkeep allowance. His heart is so hardened that he doesn’t care how you feed his children or take care of yourself. It’s so terrible for women who are wholly dependent on their partners. A terrible place to reside.
What of you sitting watching him having a ‘happy’ life. He goes and comes at will. His routine never changes in fact it becomes merrier while you slowly degenerate.
People advise you not to speak up. Cover your shame. Bear it. Pray. Fast. Slow. You don’t know what others are going through. But you know the pain you endure. You count the wasted years of your life when you could have been happy. You count the joys that eluded you and you know it’s been a life less lived.
Some will tell you, find joy in your children. As if the love of a child can replace that of a spouse. Do what makes you happy and you wonder at the hollow unshared happiness when you are used to laughing together and loving together.
You can’t leave, you don’t live. You are in such a sad place your life just looks bleak and gloomy. Sometimes a rock and a hard place are all you have. Devil and the deep blue sea when you can’t even swim. Dear God!
Domestic violence is physical, it’s psychological, it’s mental, it’s sexual, it’s financial. None worse than the other, none better than the other.
SAY NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OF ALL KINDS!