HOW SHOULD A MAN REACT WHEN HE IS HIT BY A LADY?
Let me start by assuring you all that this is not me trying to make a mountain out of a molehill; there is already a very big Kilimanjaro facing us all in this issue. This issue is compounded by the new wave of feminism that has left intellectual men confused. Believe me, the intellectual ones are the confused ones as they grapple with the implications of certain popular beliefs.
Let us start by agreeing that feminism is needed especially in our African society where women have been sometimes and in some certain cultures treated as infra-humans. Let us also agree that beyond Facebook and Social Media rants that is sometimes as confused as a drunk standing in a three-path road in the dark, feminism has woefully failed to articulate a proper societal implications register for this much-needed movement.
I grew up learning from my father that it is never okay to hit a lady, this is despite being a scrawny kid weighing less than some of the heavy bags my classmates lugged to school. In as much as I have never seen my father hit my mother, I have never also seen my mother hit my father. Thus when a lady hits a man, a confusion starts in my head. Because real men do not hit women?
How should the man respond?
This would be better understood when we appreciate the fact that men are more often than not physically stronger than women and thus reacting to a slap delivered by an angry lady may result in a Mike Tyson type of knockout; the kind that sends black into your eyes while golden stars dart in and out amidst the dark.
Let us review the different acceptable reaction models?
1. When a Lady slaps you, walk away: What if this attracts another slap or a bottle over your head? Is it okay to die by the hands of an irate woman?
2. When a Lady slaps you, kiss her: What if she is not your spouse or girlfriend? You may bag a case of sexual assault. We have already learnt in that Big Brother House that sexual consent is time-bound and could be withdrawn automatically without twenty-one day notice or prior information. The best way to react then would be to ask the slapper lady if it is okay to kiss her. This may most likely result in another heavier slap or a tight-fisted blow across the face.
3. When a Lady hits you, turn the other cheek: What if she hits the other cheek too? Should you keep swinging left to right like a pendulum while she pummels the world out of you?
4. When a lady hits you, reply ‘God bless you’: What if she is an atheist and hits you again with reinforced anger?
5. When a lady hits you, report her to her father: What if you don’t get any time to reach your phone? We all know that a woman’s anger is like a storm?
6. When a Lady hits you, hit her back commensurately: How do you measure the blow? In kilos? Or pounds?
7. When a lady hits you, just hit her: What if you commit murder?
There is indeed no respectful reaction here. Feminist will not want you to walk away on the premise that females are the weaker sex. It is an infuriating argument that flies in the face of the effort towards gender equality. Ladies demand to be treated equally, they demand to be able to join the army, climb palm trees and slap men too. It is not a trite argument.
If a man slaps another man, I assure you that no one is walking away easy. Most likely, a fight will break out. Sometimes a fight to the death or at least until someone is bleeding.
Over to you guys…What would you do if a lady slaps you?
Ladies what reaction would you expect.