I am sorry, Tunde’s wife shouted as her husband hit her continually, beating her like a thief and inflicting serious injuries on her.Who knows, nobody had an inclination as to what caused the argument neither the reason why he battered his wife without mercy.This I thought about as she came out looking frail and injured after the scenario with her husband as the neighbor’s couldn’t save her as he shut out the door against them.
This and many more are the experiences of many females who have gone through the pains of domestic violence.This is a problem of serious concern in Nigeria and many parts of Africa.We have this deep cultural ethics which is socially acceptable in Nigeria that to hit a spouse is a form of discipline which puts her on the right path and this problem seems not to stop ending as it’s a cumbersome problem to solve as cases of such has risen over the years.
This problem has taken many forms such as, mental, sexual, physical, and emotional. Incidentally, domestic violence is mostly committed against the females as it is a rare case that this is committed against males. Common forms of domestic violence are; beating, punishing the woman, rape, molestation and the likes of them. This menace has soo prevailed that victims are scared to report to the federal authorities as no provision of protection is made concerning the victims.
This is a form of domestic violence where either the male or her spouse forces her to have sex against her will.Various forms of sexual activities has risen over the years having bad influences on the individuals.Sexual scenes are being promoted in our movies, pornography on the rise, social relationships on the internet has taken a new form as these all shape our intellect on sex.
This sexual violence is been committed at will as there have been no proof of the act making the convictions of those involved in the crime prove difficult.The victims for fear of victimization or social stigma seem scared to report the issue there by making them live with the issue for the rest of their life.The married females are also not left out in this case as they are also affected.
This occurs when the husband inflicts physical injury on the woman.This comes in different forms such as him slapping his wife, beating her, kicking and pushing her to the ground and sometimes murdering her in the process.Often times, physical violence is also committed by the family members in disapproval of the man’s marriage to the woman.Some of the reasons for this form of violence are;financial issues, drunkeness on the husband’s part, emotional instability of the husband,low self esteem and the likes of them.
Inequality is also a contributing factor to this, also when the female is making more money than her partner or husband making the man feel inferior to the woman.
Another form of physical violence is when the man tends to be very jealous and very controlling over the woman.Women who justify this dastardly act are more likely than often people who have been victim of one form of violence or the other.
One of the influencing factor to domestic violence in Africa is the supreme right over the woman.When both couples are married, the man begins exercising his right as a man over the woman thereby violating her and causing so much pains to the woman.
Another influencing factor to this menace is the loss of the female civil groups in the society.These groups have lost their sense of vision as they could not fight for neither could they stand up for the victims of those affected which has made it a matter of serious concerns.
Our cultural value system has immensely contributed to the rise of this menance.According to the Yoruba females calling their husbands or male counterparts “olowo ori mi” meaning the one who ones me giving him full right to treat them the way they do. In the Igbo tradition, when a man pays the bride price of a woman which in some states is usually high which I call ”extortion”, it gives over the rights of the female over to him meaning he paying her bride prices gives him full ownership of the woman and in effect giving up of the woman’s right to him as well as surrendering the rights of her body to him and everything that belongs to her even her finance.
Other factors linked with this dehumanizing treatment are; unemployment of either spouse, lack of love and trust, differences in age, social economic class of either couple, and when there is substance abuse.This immensely contribute to the many forms of domestic violence inherent in our society today.
A militating factor to this form of abuse is the infertility of either couple.Most especially, when the female folks see their female counterparts visiting the hospitals for ante natal or the native fertility clinic, they seem to be weighed down by their infertility problem leading to them experiencing either mental or emotional violence thereby inflicting injuries on themselves.
Most people, cultures have different views on domestic violence. These views may be based on education, class, belief system, and also religion. To some people, beating of their wives is usually accepted as they would say its a way of disciplining her, to some people,its way of proving that they love their wives. Most people are of the view that the reasons they beat their wives is that they neglected the well fare of their kids, their wives going out without their husband’s permission and even in some cases their wives going over her husband’s phone even as far as answering his calls.
I strongly believe that it’s high time we addressed this issue in our society as we may bite more than we can chew.This should be eschewed in all forms, it should not be supported for any reason and it should be dealt with promptly and adequately as the perpetrators would feel its their right to domestically violate their wives or the female folks thereby escaping the wrath of the law.
Our judicial system should also put up laws to curb this uprising which is rising at a fast pace in the society. I believe our judicial system is up to the task in handling such issues as we have competent judiciary members who can stand up to this menace.
Rape which is a form of domestic violence should be taken serious and people who are caught in this act should be jailed for life as within the context of the Nigerian Constitution.
The right attitude to life and healthy living among couples and partners should be encouraged as this promotes peace between them. An advice to the female folks as I always say is “look before you leap” which is still evident today. Don’t just marry or go out with him because he fulfills your needs,you both eat out in the best restaurants in town, makes you sit on the front seat in his car and also show you the good side of his life hiding his devilish motives. Try finding out his weaknesses,how he reacts when you are angry or you push him to his walls, try knowing him well fully convincing yourself that you are ready to be with him and face all together.
LETS SAY NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
I STAND WITH PEACEFUL LIVING AMONG OUR PEOPLE
UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL.