First Duel of the Second Round

Hello Retellers,

Welcome to the first duel of the second round.

1. To vote, simply comment : I vote story 1 or I vote story 2.
2. Do not attempt to predict who wrote which story.
3. Do not solicit for votes for any story. You can share the link and ask people to vote but do not tell them which story to vote for.
4. Do not vote more than once.
5. Voting starts by 8am and ends by 8pm today

Today Benson Isaac and Oge Ginika attempt to bring the thunder. And the theme is Redeeming love. Word count is 500 words.

Let us ride:

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Story 1

The strong arms pulling at your hair was the least of your worries. The dirty the slaps turning the face bright red like fresh tomatoes was painless and the spits that mingled with your tears felt like water. You could only think about him. Your partner in crime.

He had claimed that he loved you more than life itself. He had stared deep into your eyes and swore his undying love, and so you gave him your all. You allowed yourself to be lead into his secret chamber and be devoured by his ravaging lust. It felt better than what your husband had to offer. Your husband was old and broken and you had been given to him to repay back a debt your drunkard of a father had taken. You had no say. No voice. You were the good daughter.

It was two years ago that you fell in love. Two years ago that you cursed fate that had delayed the chance meeting between you two, but you rejoiced in knowing that you have found true happiness. Well not until the group of men busted in on you with your lover, and he fled, without looking back.

Now you are being dragged to the town square to be stoned to death and you keep looking over your shoulders, hoping that he would save you; you knight in shining armour. He had promised he would let no harm come to you. He had promised that your secret was safe, that love conquers all.

Your fleeting hope was smashed when you felt yourself flung roughly into the center of the growing crowd. Blood ran down your face and stained the purple wrapper you had managed to grab to cover your nakedness, but even then you knew that you were naked before all. Your sin is known.

You are afraid to look up because you know you would see the hate in their eyes, you would see the eager hands clutching stones that would end your miserable life. Even when you heard them ask someone what he thought of you. Even when the person challenged them to stone you if only they had no sin. Even then, you did not believe that you could be saved.

You didn’t see nor hear them drop their stones, you didn’t see them leave. All you knew was that you looked up, after waiting for what seem like eternity, you were all alone with him. He was not with them, for in his eyes, you saw love, and it was then that you knew that you had been redeemed.

 

Story 2

DEAD SON, 1882

It was dusk, Jacob Israel, the president of Israel laid his feeble muscles on the couch placed in front of his villa. The honking of car horns startled him as he struggled to get up. The Israelites rushed out in their numbers to welcome their sons who had gone to Pharaohland (Egypt) to buy food.

Israel was a small country inhabited by the descendants of Jacob Israel. They had vast lands but were lowly populated, blessed by God in all ramifications but wasn’t exempted when famine infested the earth. The famine had dug deep in the lives of the Israelites and troubled Jacob greatly.

Jacob with his eyes ransacked his sons that made it home but couldn’t find Benjamin.

“Where’s Benny?”, he asked.

“The Prime-Minister of Pharoahland seized him”, Reuben, his oldest son said.

Jacob freaked out, jerked towards Judah, held him by his collar and shook him, continuously, with all the little energy left in his languid body.

“This is how I lost Joseph his brother, and now they have taken him. Judah, you promised to bring him back safe. I told you about peradventures. What am I going to do now?, what will I tell his family?”, he cried.

“I tried my best”, Judah said.. Jacob rebuffed saying “Your best was below good, you have failed me”.

“it wasn’t our fault; he stole the Prime-Minister’s golden cup. The man that has been kind to us” Judah scoffed.

“Ohh!, there’s an error. Benny can’t steal from him. I must see this Prime-Minister that accused my boy of theft”

“Right, the Prime-Minister sent for you. He gave us three days to make it back with you or our brother will be executed”, Simeon said.

“Reuben, gather all you can, fill the tanks, we leave at firstlight”, Jacob instructed.

They arrived there in in two days with presidential convoy, it supposed to be a four day journey, but they drove day and night. They were ushered into a big hall, it had been prepared for them, they found Benjamin unshackled.

They settled, the Prime-Minister came-in, Jacob ran towards him but was refrained by the security, “Leave me!. I want to touch my DEAD SON”, he shouted, he recognized Joseph when he saw him.

“Leave him!”, Joseph instructed.

He ran to Joseph and hugged him, he kissed him and said: Now, I can die in peace!. His brothers were bewildered and lowered their heads in shame.

He stood on the podiun and bellowed, “Yes, I am Joseph, your brother, you conspired against and sold to the Ismaelites, luckily, Potipher bought me. I went to prison for doing right, but look at me today”, he stopped and looked at them, they were remorseful.

Jacob looked at his sons in awe, “But y’all told me that a wild beast killed him, I didn’t believe it, though”

Joseph continued: father, I’m not here to cast blames but to make amends. Y’all still bowed down to me; A dream that I was almost killed because of. I just want to tell y’all that I forgive you. The way you protected each other, the way Judah cried at my feet for me to release Benjamin redeemed the love  I once have for y’all. Benjamin never stole from me, I tucked the cup in his bag. I’m happy, we reunited again. They revelled, and gayed.

He embraced them, instructed his servants to fill their cars with enough food, he told his father to stay, that Pharoahland and Israel are now allies. For Israel shall never lack food as long as he remains the Prime-Minister.

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Let the voting begin.

34 thoughts on “First Duel of the Second Round

  1. Isn’t this still Bible retelling/Bible character contest. I’ve got qualms with Story 1, I cannot envision the Bible story/character retold.

  2. Well.

    I read through the story and I am unable to understand the entire point.

    To me, story 2 sounded familiar with a Bible passage, but I couldn’t still understand the message the the author was trying to pass.

    Story 1 was more like a literature. I just read through the words without understanding anything or receiving any message from the write up.

    Since Story 1 is no way to compare to Story 2 , I think I am voting for story 2.

  3. @priye and others…….. If u claim not to know story 1,then u are not so familiar with your Bible, i beseech u to go back and read. Isn’t it so obvious and palpable that the story is that of Jesus and the woman caught in Adultery? Jesus saved the woman thereafter…….

  4. I vote story 1. I felt they did a better job with the retelling. Taking their time to pay attention to detail. Sure, I got a little confused for a while if it was really a retelling of a Bible story but the end put my confusion to rest.

  5. well, Honestly I am not satisfied with both stories. story one could do with a lot more clarity ( its Bible stories retold).

    I did not see a point of love redeemed in story two. it was just another story of Joseph and his brothers.

  6. I have no difficulty in voting story 1, because it’s much creative and the narration flowed. Notwithstanding, there few noticeable tenses error in the story e.g. lead instead of led.

    Story 2 is good too. But one gets tired of reading the moment one realizes that it’s about the Joseph v. brothers affair.

    Both writers did greatly.

  7. The creativity of story one keeps you spell bound to the end such that one could over look two to three typographic errors.
    Story two was so predictable, hence one is easily bored.

    I vote story one

  8. I vote story 2. If you know the story of Joseph and his brothers too well, you will that the second writer did a great job. Their new found love redeemed the love that Joseph once had for then,otherwise he would have killed them,he had every chance to do so.

    First story writer did great, too!.

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